A Universe to Explore

I just love this explanation … it just seems to open up space on so many levels!! I have never seen Christian escatology teaching in this way before. Simultaneously I never seen love relationships in this way either. All I can say is that its pretty damn cool. 

http://peterrollins.net/blog/

While John the Baptist preached that the kingdom was coming, Jesus preached that this kingdom was already among us. However, in saying this he did not overturn the message of John the Baptist but rather deepened it, for Jesus spoke of a kingdom that was here and yet as simultaneously being something that was looked to as still to come.

Following the image of the kingdom that was spoken of by Jesus, we encounter the idea that while it is still thought of as “to come” this does not mean that it will one day arrive at the end of a certain period of time, but rather that the kingdom is “to come,” i.e., the kingdom is already among us but in a manner that implies it is absent. ..This view of the kingdom is something that we also find confirmed in the writings of Paul, such as when he speaks of the kingdom as both the now and the not-yet.

Is this initially bizarre logic not what we also find being played out when we contemplate the presence of those whom we love? Is it not a great romantic truth that the presence of our beloved is always of a spectral kind? To truly know and love someone involves acknowledging that person’s inscrutable eschatological depths, understanding that the presence of the one before us is always manifested as a type of absence, as an opening. For each person is a universe for us to explore. In this way it is wrong to imagine that we long for someone we love to enter into our world, to come. Rather, when the one we love arrives in our world we encounter that person as precisely the one who is “to come.”

This is why our desire for those we love is born in our encounter with them rather than satisfied there. We cannot desire the one whom we do not know, for the simple reason that we do not know that person. We can only desire the one who is before us, the one who remains mysterious in his or her presence. The other is both the origin and the unreachable destination of our desire, for there is always something Other about the other, something “to come” amidst the presence of those we love. In the eyes of the beloved a universe opens up and envelops us.

The “God-particle” (&Turkish Kebab)

While I was coming to terms with the idea of digesting the biggest Turkish kebab in living history, in other parts of Europe Scientists were struggling to come to terms with the tiniest invisible particles - “the God-particle”.

A man by the name of Professor Peter Higgs almost 44 yrs ago came up with a theory that “there is an as yet undetected field which binds some of the basic particle of matter together aided by a mass-less substance nicknamed the Higgs boson” (Guardian- Severin Carrell) or what he refers to as the “God-particle”. People laughed at him then but now this dark star is getting his time to shine.

Astronomers apparently can account for 5% of observable matter in the universe – the stuff of stars and planets but then there is “dark matter” that makes up a further 25% leaving another 70% of “exotic dark energy, which drives the expansion of the universe”.  Quite a lot to digest on a stomach still expanding with Turkish kebab!! 

So the Large Hadron Collider is in search of this particle, this dark energy, ”a mysterious substance that stretches through the universe and clings around galaxies.”  I wish them luck. I have flashbacks to Christina’s talk which could have been titled  ”The Universe for Dummies”, with all our combined knowledge of the Scientific world. It was mind boggling but wonderful.

Well I thought my stomach was a black hole until I ate that Turkish kebab. Now I have evidence of those unmistakable particles of matter. I can hardly move!!  Perhaps the Scientists will have the same sort of discovery pretty soon….

Who is Rudolph?

No not the reindeer but Rudolph Steiner that inexplicable man of mystery. I get the feeling that since his birth in 1861 people through out the ages have been trying to figure him out – was he zaney, brilliant, off-the-wall, mad, spiritual, a genius?

My first encounter with the name was when my nephew and niece started attending a Waldorf school. In their first years they would come home with news of how they made tomatoes grow, how they had built a house by making straw bricks and apparently (much to their mother’s consternation) would only learn to do Maths a little later than those kids in government schools.  I was also very pleased with the woven basket (made at school) that my niece passed onto me.

When people mention “Waldolf” in Cape Town, the immediate image that comes to mind is hippie parents with esoteric tendancies with scruffy kids. One does see a bit of that but there is another reality that is quite different.

Apparently each teacher is assigned to a class for eight years. They grow with the students and as a result the classes are tightly knit groups. My nephew and niece are both very socially adept teenagers. They have amazing relationships with their friends. Not only that but at the end of every semester the report cards they got were like art works with personalised messages from the teacher to the child. Incredibly beautiful. My sense as an outsider watching the kind of education they were getting was one that valued beauty, integrity, relationships and a sense of mystery at the world.

Given all this I have to wonder at the man Rudolph Steiner and his philosopys. He seemed to be one of the first philosophical thinkers (aside from Christian missionary schooling – a philosophy of its own) to impress the importance of the spiritual in education. He has a complex rationale on the developmental stages of a child which included their spiritual and moral development and this is woven into the kind of learning that is done at each stage of a child’s life.

Yet when you read this excerpt – any rational man may bulk at the word “occult” and the strange experiences that he had.  But I wonder at this man. There is something in the legacy that he leaves that is profoundly positive, highly creative and life affirming. It is a slightly dramatised version of the man – I warn you. This comes from the Fortean Times a website about the strange and wonderful (courtesy of my dear brother) Check out http://www.forteantimes.com/features/profiles/109/rudolf_steiner.html A quote to whett the appetite:

“Practically everybody had in it for him: Catholics, Protestants, Marxists, proto-Nazis, not to mention other esotericists. There were at least two attempts on his life, and the number of occult attacks fomented by the ‘black brotherhoods’ is unknown. One clear victory from this time was the establishment of the first Steiner school in Stuttgart in 1919. Based on pedagogical principles developed over decades of tutoring – in Vienna he had cured a retarded hydrocephalic boy to the extent that the child grew up to earn a medical degree – Steiner’s educational ideas earned him deserved renown, and an international reputation among experts that continues today.”

So how do you take him…a revolutionary or a crazy man??  How do assess the legacy he leaves behind?

Risky Business

Since arriving in London, my perception of the place has been coloured somewhat by John Caputo’s ”What would Jesus Deconstruct” (Thanks fakeexpressions for this gem!) He starts the book off speaking about the commecial success that’s been made with the “What Would Jesus Do?” slogan, reminding us that its origins are far from the American self satisfied gung-ho christianity that it seems to represent . The original text where Sheldon uses the phrase is ”In his Steps”. A heart-sick tramp in the story confronts a well-to-do church saying:

 “It seems to me there is an awful lot of trouble in the world that somehow wouldn’t exist if all the people who sing such songs went and lived them out. I suppose I don’t understand. But what would Jesus do?” 

Caputo expands the idea further by saying later in the chapter, “ Were this figure of Jesus, who is the centrepiece of this poetics or theo-poetics, to return, what would he look like? An illegal immigrant? A child dying of Aids? A Vatican bereaucrat? And what do we imagine he would expect of us here and now? The questiion calls for a work of application, interpretation, interpolation, imagination and self interrogation and all that is risky business”  

I have wondered in the last few days that were Jesus a face in London, what would he look like? Its made me look at the people around me differently. One can’t help in this environment being slightly envious of the opinionated, overly confident city-slickers who hop on and off the tube in their latest fashion gear with their trendy cell phone, ipod and lap top computer. But whose body/guise would Jesus choose were he to come to London? Would it be the gypseys who walk around with their children asking for money, or the over-weight red head kid? Or maybe the Eastern European at the corner shop?

I am keenly aware that whatever Jesus would do, it would turn our expectations on their head and challenge us to the core .  Even as I approach the idea of working again (oh the reality must kick in too soon I fear) and finding a job, there is a sense of being in that amazing place of being able to redefine my direction. I could do a number of things. Motivation is always deadly apparent at times like this. Do I go for the big bucks or do I wait a bit and think where perhaps the face of Christ is most apparent? Challenging thoughts….and as Caputo says “risky business”.

Unexpected Kindnesses!!

You appreciate the comfort of things known when you are shoved out into the big wide world to fend for yourself. You also appreciate the helping hands that are extended to you (which you try not to grab onto too enthusiastically).  There is always a vulnerability in moving, you just don’t know what is around the next corner. I guess that is its agonizing thrill.

Seeing Chris’s familiar face at Heathrow airport was amazing. Its one of the few times I remember arriving at Heathrow and being met by someone I know, without having to lug my suitcase around by myself – sweet mercies! (a boyfriend in London with a car – what a novelty!!) The day before I left my accommodation fell through. It seems like right from the start I have been forced just to let go and let God, as they say!! So I arrived at the airport curious to see what inventive plan Chris had come up with. Of course he rose to the occasion and organized a place in his old houseshare for me for a few days. (his place actually- what a sweetie!)

We were then invited to the country for the long weekend – where an old friend of mine is living with her husband and two kids. Think Postman Pat and his village and you will have an idea of where they live. So what I thought woud be a stressful few days of trying to find my feet turned into an idyllic repose in the country (pronounced “kon-tree”) – wanders in the forest, beautiful food and beautiful silence!!

In fact since I have arrived its been meet and greet with old friends – walks in Hamstead Heath, Richmond Park …my experince of London thus far has been GREEN – lots of it!! Bushes, trees and forest -very bizarre.

And then back to the accomodation thing. Over the past few days I have been looking at various places through Christian Flatshare and gumtree…none of them really settled with me. They meant moving in with unknown people and parting with a lot of cash upfront, as all these places require a deposit. Then yesterday I phoned an old aquaintance from Durban days. He was a guy I knew at our church back then, who is now married and living in Balham with his wife. My friend Lindy told me that they had a spare room that they sometimes let out. As it turns out Kevin keeps the room free, especially for cases like mine (lost souls arriving from other countries with no job and little money). He said i could stay in the room for 2 months – wait for it- FREE!!! I am still in mild shock. I didn’t know that words like that existed next to the words “accomodation” and “London”.  What an lovely practical gesture. One day when I’m loaded I hope to return the favour to some unsuspecting sorts.

So I have been the recipient of unexpected kindnesses. Is there a plural for this word?? Well there should be, as it has come from all sides. YAY!!

Move it! Move it!

I’m moving to London in 3 weeks and with the move has come this strange sense of contemplation about my life thus far.

I’ve been trying to throw things away but inevitably start reading old journals and get totally distracted from the task at hand. Its amazing thing to see another version of yourself in the pages of the past. For the past 7 years in Cape Town I seem to have transitioned from a very dreamy person talking about all the things I’m going to do into someone who has actually done some things. There’s a confidence that comes with that. To be honest I don’t know how a simple pray of “Lord I want to be paid for my writing” has managed to become so many varied things. I know for a fact that every door that opened had the fingerprints of God on them (some only recognised in retrospect)  

On looking back aswell I am so grateful for the mistakes, for the confusion, for the pain. It’s always hard at the time to realise that my most challenging moment, biggest question, my most gruelling trial, my biggest skrew up – holds treasure that I will hold dear for the rest of my life. Wisdom for the journey.. 

The negative space – the darker it is – defines more clearly what the positive space is.

So I’ve been trying to throw things away but I realise that I don’t have to. Somehow the imprint of Cape Town and everything that has happened here is deeply etched into my character and heart. And every person brought into to my life has had an undeniable effect…I can see it. The journey I walk now is different to the one I walked before. I walk taller, a little less bewildered, a little more confident because of some very caring kind souls who took the time to get to know me and listen to all the heart ache, all the questions of faith and didn’t judge too heavily but rather encouraged the good!!

So thank you Cape Town!!! (Alanis Morisette style)

And all you lovelies in it!!

Sometimes I forget I have a body!

My boss said something the other day that made me double take. He said “Sometimes I forget I have a body!” I think what he was meaning was that he’s a very cerebral guy and doesn’t give much time or attention to his body. And I understand that attitude. Infact I think there are many of us who have this disconnected attitude to our bodies. But of late I am becoming increasingly aware how destructive that can be. 

I have been working at the office like a demon lately. Its been three months of gruelling slog and pressure that only now is starting to let up. I’ve been like a wind up toy on adrenalin and have discovered body aches that should only be apparent in a 90 yr old! That said its been strange – with my own revelation of how my own happiness is deeply rooted in my physical well being, I have had the revelation highlighted by friends’ stories too.

There are too many of us – pushed to the edge of ourselves because of the pressure we’re under at work. And it often takes going to the edge of a breakdown of sorts to realise how important it is to have boundaries, to say “No”, to value our bodies and to value the time it takes to make that body unwind and relax and destress. To value the time it takes to go for a run, go to that dance class, or take that walk with a friend. To value the signals that our bodies use to tell us that we’re being pushed beyond what we can bear.

There are times in my life when I have felt exceptionally alive – many of those have invovled moving  – dancing like a maniac at some friends party or running till I feel like my lungs will burst.  It effects my spirit. There is no doubt! The two are intertwined like a koeksister – more closely than I think we’d like to believe.  We can’t forget that we have bodies that love to move and minds that love the space that is created when bodies get the opportunity to own the space for a bit.

Anyway – that’s my five cents!

Bearing the Beams of Love

“We are put on earth for a little space that we may learn to bear the beams of love” William Blake

 

The introduction to Thomas Merton’s “Contemplative Prayer” is staggering in its testimony to a life of love. The man who writes the introduction is a Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh and his admiration and connection with Thomas is clear through what he writes:

 

“It is hard to describe his face in words, to write down exactly what he was like. He was filled with human warmth. Conversation with him was so easy. When we talked, I told him a few things, and he immediately understood the things I didn’t tell him as well. He was open to everything, constantly asking questions and listening deeply. I told him about my life as a Buddhist novice in Vietnam, and he wanted it know more and more….We had moments of great happiness and peace together, and the ground of our happiness was true communion and understanding….It is a pleasure for me to write these lines to introduce his book.”

 

I can’t think of anything lovelier than to be praised by someone who doesn’t see life or faith exactly as you do, but someone who still recognises and has experienced the undeniable evidence of love in your life. What an honour that is, what an example to live up to!

“Heart” Stuff

Sergio Milandri gave this great talk on “the heart”. It somehow managed to wrestle my mind down and access that indefinite place so I thought I would share some of the gems with you.

So here’s a reminder:
1.There are no nerves in the heart. There is no direct connection from the brain to the heart. The way the body “speaks” to the heart is through chemicals which are sent from the middle brain through the blood stream. So when your heart starts pumping from fear or excitement it’s a response the heart receives in the blood. The heart in a sense then doesn’t have a “mind” in the conventional sense!!! The heart is about feeling.
2.Messages sent in the brain are quick. The synapses fire and almost instantly messages can be coded, rent, resent, analysed, deconstructed, reconstructed. The “heart” messages take some time to reach the heart…they lag a little, they require a bit longer to register, to interpret, to respond to.

Of course, my dodgy biology lesson (doctors may elaborate further) has a spiritual side-kick. Loving God with “heart” is different to loving God with “mind”. I can read a scriptural text with my “mind”. If I’ve read it before it will probably bore me. If I read it with my “heart”, I read it differently. I linger there, I wait. I tread with sensitivity. I am awake to the nuances of how my heart is responding, what the heart is feeling and saying. It’s a different knowing.

The mind thinks in straight lines. It dissects, cut things in pieces, its “emotions” are often knee-jerk reactions, cut and dried. The “heart” builds relational connections, it ponders things, it’s much slower, it takes time for the emotions to well up.

On the road Emmaus, the men spoke to a stranger about the events of Jesus’ death. They were deeply troubled but somehow this stranger’s words made sense to them. Eventually they realised it was Jesus who had been talking to them all along that road. In retrospect they recognised the presence of God. They said “Didn’t we feel our hearts burn within us?”

I guess I’m chasing the place of “heart”. I know the chase requires an inverse response, a waiting, a patience, a listening… “heart” needs space and time. It’s not conjured up, it can’t be faked. Like a lazy afternoon when after a long time you feel the wind whispering in your hair.

The Interrogation Room

  This is a comment from a friend of mine about the emergent church website. I found it quite challenging….

“Anyway I checked out ‘emergentafrica.com’. Appalling to a non-believer, of course. Just reads like the educated middle class endlessly circling around the spiritual void of modernity, the painful fact of being modern, which Nietsche characterised, tellingly, conclusively, as the ‘death of God’. He was unhappy with weak faith, with half-heartedness, he believed there has only ever been one christian worthy of the title, Christ himself, the only one who lived and breathed scripture, followed where it lead, whatever the cost. Someone on the website has been reading a history of ‘chaos theory’ and suggests there are parallels with the modern church’s development! This is precisely what Nietsche loathed about modern belief. How ideas that ought, logically, sensibly, to be separate, are yoked together, until what was distinctive and vital about them is lost. Modern evangelicals are too ‘open-minded’ – they have to be – too democratic, positive, constructive, inclusive – ‘anything goes’ – because this is how we live now. Genuine faith rejects the earth, this fallen world, and its talk, flees from moral darkness, which it sees everywhere, and heads to the deserts, to the hills…The people on that site ought to be in dark caves searching for some flicker of inner light, the inner light of the Lord, rather than babbling online like the rest of us. True believers are glorious exceptions; they stagger, amaze and inspire us. They don’t tell us what they’re reading…” 

Obviously it’s quite a strong criticism but there are parts of it I don’t agree with (like the bit about going into caves) but there are other parts which I have to say worry me too. The bit about being so ‘open-minded’, so ‘anything goes’ that we are rendered useless. I feel like the emergent discourse with its fear of offence, its obsession with including and not excluding, its longing to be relevant to the modern age is in some respects in danger of becoming so wishy-washy and dissolute that it’s rendered ineffective.

I find this a strange reaction in me. Surprising. I essentially have been critical of charismatic movement because of its “in-your-face”ness – because of its lack of tact and insensitivity to those who don’t understand it.

And yet, something in me longs to be radical a “glorious exception” to “stagger, amaze and inspire”. People burnt at the stake for their faith in Christ, they faced lions, persecution and certain death for uttering that name. We seem not even able to utter that name for fear of offending someone. There is a difference between knowing Christ and not knowing him that has implications on the way you live and move and have your being, isn’t there?? At least that’s what I thought.